Breathing is for sissies

I thought I was all set up to have a great night of Friday racing. I caught up on all my desperately needed sleep the past 2 days, and even played hookie Friday so that I could sleep in and relax for once. I was rested, hydrated, fed, got my vitamin dope the day before....what could be better?

10 Lap Tempo - One big sprint into the race and my tongue doubles in size and my entire mouth is swollen and I can't breathe. I watch the entire pack swoop by me as I try to keep pedaling and freaking out at the same time. The rest of the race I watch them string out from the other side of the track. 8 laps in I mercifully get lapped and pull the fuck out.

First intermission - Meltdown #1. My life is over. I'm selling all my shit. I have no idea what just happened to me. Being blown off the back in front of hundreds of people is not my idea fun. Having my whole mouth swell up is not my idea of fun.

Miss n' Out - Too stubborn to drop out just yet, I make it about halfway through the race by sprinting around the pack up-track. The paced is manageable enough that my mouth isn't quite as swollen any more but I feel like I'm breathing shards of glass.

Second intermission - Meltdown #2. I'm afraid that I'm allergic to my inhaler and I'll never make it out to race again. No one around me can explain what might be happening so of course I fear the worst. I finally summon the courage to go talk to Kenny without having a meltdown in front of him. Within seconds he explains that the hot dry air is sucking all the moisture out of my mouth and lungs and that I need to stick a piece of gum up in my mouth during the race and it will all be good.

J: "But I've never had this happen before."
K: "Well you just did."
J: "But it's never happened before."
K: "But it just did."
J: "But it didn't happen on Wed or ever before."
K: "You weren't exerting yourself under these conditions before."
J: "Yes I was."
K: "No you weren't."
J: "But it's not really that dry out. It's Seattle. There's still humidity in the air."
K: "Yes it is really dry tonight. Trust me. It happens to me all the time. Try it in this last race and we'll go from there."
J: "I'm tired of getting old."

So Kenny gives me a piece of gum and I go along my way questioning whether this old wives tale will keep me from being humiliated yet again.

4x5 - I tell myself that I'll try 5 laps and if I can't breathe I'll drop out. Miraculously, the gum I'm playing with in my cheek is keeping my mouth from drying out and I can breathe and actually stick with the pack and even chase down some attacks. I finish the race with everyone else, minus any points, but my faith somewhat restored. I find Kenny right after and ask him if anyone's told him that he actually knows what he's talking about. John Hanson is within earshot and cracks up. Kenny smiles and pats me on the head. I end the night a little smarter.