ISO: My groove

Raced tonight at the track. 14 women!!! Yay us!!

My energy was astoundingly awesome after getting 60 cc's of vitamin therapy earlier in the day. Yay doping on vitamins!

I was feeling mighty fine and put on a slightly bigger gear than last week, which should have given me the rocket boost I knew was in me. I had a game plan all in my head to take charge on certain laps and get points so that I could win those Babeland massage bars (prizes for pre-season ominum winners!), but then girls way faster and smarter than me showed up and put an end to that plan right away. Rats.

I tried to race smart, but once again it turned into more of me just surviving the blazing fast (for me) laps. I tried to stay towards the front of the pack, but then the line in the sprinter's lane would surge ahead and then I'd be stuck in the back. I tried staying down in the sprinter's lane to anticipate that wonderful surge, but then things got sketchy from riders above and I was too spooked to stay down there. BAH. Where's a girl to go?

More than anything though, I don't have my groove on yet. I'm discovering that I'm still racing extremely conservatively because I'm afraid of getting in a wreck and being on the S&I list yet again (even though it's much safer in a pack of people with no brakes!). I can't bring myself to being off the bike again and have developed an anxiety about being aggressive or assertive in the pack, that somehow being conservative will protect me from something bad happening. But with that anxiety comes riding more towards the back so that I can watch everything in front of me "thinking" that I'm in control, when it's actually far worse in that position.

The doctor will see you know.

I think that I just need to get a lot more races under my belt and I'll get that groove back. The confidence that I can own it again. It's been 2 years since any major form of racing so my pack instinct is rusty. I'll give myself a break and keep at it and I know that I'll have that groove back in no time.