Rub his tummies

India did not let me go easily. For my last night in the country, Zack and I went to our favorite restaurant, a hole-in-the-wall, word of mouth kind of place where the food is a symphony of spice and flavor that leaves you in silent, gluttonous satisfaction. After walking the busy, vibrant streets of Mumbai we went back to his apartment to wait for our 1:30 a.m. cab that would take us to the airport for the last time. We filled the last hours with reminiscing through pictures and laughter, finally succumbing to a short catnap. I woke up to watch him sleep peacefully next to me one last time. I wanted those last minutes to stretch out forever, but my wishes fell silent as the earth's inertia kept the night moving towards morning.

The cab ride was quiet as we drove through the brightly lit city with the windows down and its stench filling my head for the last time. We pulled up to the airport terminal to find a bustling airport with people everywhere - sitting on the curb with their luggage, standing in one line or the other with their luggage, or lined up at the windows peering inside. It was obvious that this was going to take a while so I was glad we got there 2 hours early. We followed one line that appeared to be the one into the terminal. Moving nowhere, I took a short walk up ahead to see what was in store. I saw a sign and a booth that said "Visitors 60 rupees" and took that as Zack needing a visitor ticket to get inside, except there was no one in the booth to buy a ticket. I scanned the line of people going into the building, the Indian military guard waving people away at the door, aborted hugs and kisses and tears, and the mass of people pressed against the windows looking inside for their loved ones. It was easy to surmise that only ticketed passengers were allowed inside the terminal and that Zack and I only had about 2 minutes until we got to the entrance. Ever the optimist, he said "Well let's see what happens," but when it was our turn the guard saw that my ticket was only for one person so he said Zack could not enter the terminal and we begrudgingly stepped aside.

In the early morning hour surrounded by the confusion of thousands of people also trying to leave Mumbai we had no choice but to quickly rip off the band aid and say our goodbyes. I didn't want to let go because it would mean I'd have to break loose, walk into the terminal, and start my life for the next 3 months without him and the closeness we shared. Love that had grown even stronger over the past month would have to wait until the next reunion in the States in May. I didn't want to let go of all we'd experienced and learned together this past month, in many ways more special than the months in Seattle. Love could live anywhere, I found. It was ignorant of surroundings or geography. One of his colleagues is from France and at TIFR with his wife and 2 year old son. Where they live is irrelevant because they have their love for each other and can foster it anywhere, even as the sun sets over the Arabian Sea. I discovered that I could walk through any doorway in the world with Zack and be just as in love by his side.

Holding onto him one last time, part of me was scared like a little girl, but the rest of me knew I was strong and smart enough to carry through another 3 months apart like I had before. So I let go of his green t-shirt and made my way into the terminal, where I watched him follow my slow progression through the windows with hundreds of others who shared a similar longing to be near their loved ones for just a few minutes more.

After 30 minutes in the baggage screening line and sending each other waves and funny faces, it was time to head to the ticketing line deeper in the terminal. I blew him a kiss and waved goodbye and I saw his green shirt and huge smile for the last time before he turned back into the spice and warmth of the Indian night.