Starbuxom

Santa came early and delivered the rest of our team kit this weekend. The one piece I coveted was my new skinsuit. I was so stoked to try it on. I love skinsuits. They just scream FAST. You can be slow as molasses, but put that bugger on and in your mind you're 10 mph faster. No pockets, no excess fabric, nothing to get between you and the clock. You're sleek, you're hot, you're FAST.

Back in October I tried on two sample skinsuits that the manufacturer sent us and I decided to get the smaller size because the larger one was too long in the legs and arms, and too loose in the shoulders. The smaller one screamed "YES! I'll take seconds off your kilo!" So with that I went.

Then Santa delivered the goods. I pulled the lightweight, silky mass of fabric out of its plastic covering, excited at the thought of how fast I'd be just wearing it around the house in my slippers. I looked at the garment and thought, "Gosh, you're kinda small." The garment looked back at me and said, "Am I in the right house?" But everyone knows lycra stretches so I pulled it on.

Now the first time I pulled one of these things on it was in the porta-potty at the track and when I came out I thought I was pretty hot stuff. I couldn't see myself, but just prancing around I knew I was bad. Then I got home and took one look in the mirror and screamed. Those headlights!! There was no hiding what was staring right back at me. I quickly emailed Jane and Molly admonishing them for letting me go around all night like that. "You looked so GOOD!" they both said. Complements aside, it took me a while to get used to the free show, which I eventually did, headlights and all.

But now, staring back at me in my new kit, weren't some cute little headlights lean from a summer of racing, but a towering set of humps gloriously over-accentuated by the team's bold lettered logo stretched wide across my chest in a slightly too small skinsuit. Howard Schultz's moniker popped out in 3-dimensional, Lara Croft CGI.

I cursed this stupid Zone 1/Zone 2, easy winter workout crap for not getting my metabolism high enough to burn these puppies off. Intervals!! I need intervals, dammit!!! Riding around in circles until you want to throw up does wonders for weight loss. If eating healthy doesn't do it, scare the anaerobic threshold out of it I say. "Six months, six months," I thought. Over the next 6 months I'll start bridging up with intervals until finally my body screams unkle and my wintery cream puffs melt away like a snowman with the seasons. Six long months to bring these buxom gifts back to a more manageable state before I have to don this skinsuit in public. Howard gets enough free advertising with our kits. I'm not doling out any more promotions.

And it's all going to start with a month in India. A few weeks of rice and dahl and some intestinal bugs and I'll be well on my way.

Starbuxom - coined by Jane the Track Rabbit, Dec '07 :)