Falling, not flying

Ever since I was a kid I've had dreams that I can fly. My flying dreams mostly center around the elementary school that I attended and grew up next to. I'll be in the baseball field or huge asphalt playground area, I'll clentch my eyes shut, feel the energy rising, and then I'll start floating upwards and eventually take off. I'll zoom around the sky, up and down and around, completely weightless. Landing is no big deal. I just swoop down and softly touch earth again and walk away. It's really, really cool. I don't know what subconscious mechanism triggers the dreams. They don't seem to follow a pattern of conscious activity. I wish I had them more, but having them at all is a real treasure.

I got pushed into a freefall recently and I didn't have a chance to fly. I didn't see it coming until the world around me was tumbling uncontrollably downwards. It didn't have to happen, but here I am. As they say in climbing, "cratered." And I don't need any good intentions. I don't want them. I don't need them to fly again.